Presidential Candidates as Olympians

Full disclosure. I'm quite confident (there's a pun here, hang on) that most candidates, past and present, for the POTUS have thought of themselves as "Olympian" as some point in their narcissistic careers, but the funnier question (well, I'm trying) is, which Olympian?

It never occurred to me until yesterday that the Summer Olympics and the Presidential races follow the same every-four-years timeline, but then again I may just be ignorant. But the similarities abound. The continuing search for unique storylines, the Hollywood dramatization of otherwise-insignificant life events, the scandal and intrigue, the Olympics and Politics are a match made in reality TV heaven. But who plays whom?

Lets start at the top.

Donald Trump. Ryan Lochte.



Each raises the same question. "What the hell are they thinking!?". Enough said.


Hillary Clinton. Aly Raisman. With all due apologies to Ms. Raisman.



Immensely capable. Due to cruel twists (haha, I'm full of puns this week) of fate relegated to the sidekick shadows of charismatic leading men (Bill, Barack) and ladies (Simone, Gabby). A half-smile barely concealing near unbridled contempt at the fate of having to live in the same era as natural celebrities.



Ted Cruz. Chad le Clos. Neither an American. (Mr. le Clos only because Snidely Whiplash wasn't an Olympian as far as I can tell).



Two guys most Americans love to hate. Either could be the villain in the next installment of the "Die Hard" franchise.


Bernie Sanders. Andre De Grasse (the Canadian sprinter).

Of note was that Bernie was, in fact, a heck of a runner in his youth. But, like Mr. De Grasse, this time around Bernie has the misfortune of running, not against Mr. Bolt, but Big Money. It was never gonna happen. Maybe next time kid.

Usain Bolt. Simone Biles. Katy Ledecky. No Presidential candidates whatsoever.

Try as candidates might, there's really no comparing them to folks like this, who combine natural talents, hard work, perseverance, and reset the playing field. I didn't include Michael Phelps in this group as, while he's the most-decorated Olympian ever, his races still resemble races, while for these three, when they compete they're really in a "league of their own". The only other (relatively) current athlete that comes to mind is Tiger Woods. At his prime, it was him and history. Like it is for these three.

Politics is really a team sport, which is to say nowadays it's really a corporate sport. Political "superstars" are really a creation of good marketing and maybe a sprinkling of luck. Sports tries to do the same as well, but despite the packaged efforts of NBC and other others that seek to benefit from the perform, sometimes the awesome in sports come shining through. And that's a good thing. Hope springs eternal. Even in politics.



That's it for the Olympics edition! We'll get back to the mud-slinging next week. Thanks for reading!